25 Things
by LelaWhisper
Summary: What if you at once stand before the fact, that the man you love is a traitor? And what if your colleagues have no idea that you're in a relationship and you have to deal with the fact that you know things about him you can't tell anybody else?
1. Fathers

**25 things**

_Note:_ Setting postal Janus List, Pre Trust Metric. Slash Colby / David. What if you at once stand before the fact, that the man you love is a traitor? And what if your colleagues have no idea that you're in a relationship and you have to deal with the fact that you know things about him you can't tell anybody else?

_Disclaimer_: I´m not making money with this, have no rights to Numb3rs. Similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental and unintentional. Before each chapter, there is an explicit warning on any content, such as self-endangerment, etc. _Big Thanks to Jolinar for Beta! :)_

_Warning:_ Mention of suicide, Slash (m / m), memory is located post Calculated Risk .English isn't my native language so please be gentle.

_Ingredients:_ David Colby, a conversation about losses and the fact that we always remain children, no matter how old we are.

**Fathers**

David stared through the glass at Colby. Images flashed before his mind's eye, danced through his mind, and everything just screamed to go home. However,** t**he home he'd known was gone. Destroyed by the words spoken by an old voice on a tape.

_The FBI agent Colby Granger from the Chinese_

The words echoed in David's mind until he could hear nothing else. Colby at the other side of the glass stared at the table he was sitting at and David wondered for a moment what he was thinking of. Did he remember the feel of David's hands on his skin? Did he wish simply to be able to get up to go home and curle up in David's arms? David shook his head vigorously, trying to get rid of his dark thoughts. "David?" Megan asked. He turned his head to look at her, saw the tears in her eyes and a sarcastic inner voice wondered why she was sad.

She knew Colby nowhere near as good as him. She hadn't been the one to calm him after the nightmares, had not shared lust and desire. And she'd never watched Colby sleeping. Completely peaceful, content and happy. Was it all a lie? "It's okay," David muttered and turned his gaze back to Colby, who raised his head just at that moment, seemingly looking directly into his eyes. Technically, it wasn't possible because the window was only transparent from one side and Colby only could see the mirror image of himself, but nevertheless, David felt stared at.

He shuddered, turned away and left the room without saying a word, his head down so no one saw the tears that he could no longer hold in. He walked quickly through the large office, ignored Megan calling after him, and Don who spoke to him. He just wanted to get out of here. Far away. He didn't know where to. Not to his apartment, their common home. Where everything smelled like Colby, everything reminded of him. Once in the FBI garage, David paused abruptly. They had come together to work this morning and Colby was the one with the car. His car was still there. Just like that. As if Colby would get off the elevator and get into it every moment. Mechanically, David pulled the keys out of his pocket, approached the car, reached out to touch it. He didn't, instead he retreated until his back hit the wall and slide down to the floor. He cried.

_Colby_

Just that one word echoed through his head and then it was drowned out by an all-destroying pain, when his world collapsed in on itself. And suddenly there were memories that he would prefer to forget. Little things that nobody else but David knew about Colby.

_Colby was still sitting at his desk staring at a small colorful fabric that was attached to his desk lamp. He looked tired, David assumed that there was something about this case that hit too close for comfort. So much so that David could see it. "Come on, let's go have a beer." David patted Colby gently on the shoulder. Colby looked up and his eyes spoke of pain, of sorrow and finality. David drew his eyebrows together, sat down on the desk and watched Colby, corss his arms defensively. "Everything ok with you?" he asked softly, gently. He had learned quickly that Colby didn't like, to be asked personal questions, but he had to try._

_Colby shook his head, picked the flag off the lamp and held it out to David. He took it gently in his hands and looked at it. "What's that?" he asked. _

_"A fishing lure. My dad made it for me," Colby replied softly, his voice tinged with tenderness. He had not had the impression that Colby put much emphasis on his family. He had a photo of his unit on the desk, but he had never mentioned anyone from his family. _

_"And this works?" asked David, he couldn't suppress a laugh. If he were a fish, he would swim away from this bait. Colby nodded, took the bait back out of his hand and hung it back on the lamp. "Do you get to go fishing with your dad a lot?" David asked, wanting to know more._

_Colby shook his head, stood up and took his jacket. "My father's dead." _

_David leaned in and touched Colbys shoulder. "Man, I'm sorry." He didn't know what else to say. _

_Colby smiled sadly. "It's okay. It happend years ago. It's just ... " Colby hesitated, his hands shoved in his pockets and David could see that he would prefer this conversation to end. " I´m sorry for the boy. I know what it's like to grow up without a parent," he whispered, breathing deeply. Then he looked up and into David's eyes. "You wonder all your life, if you could have changed something, done something to prevent it form happening." David heard Colby in silence._

"Is .. was your father shot?" David asked carefully, hoping that he was wrong. Colby shook his head, turned away from David and took a few steps into the aisle between the desks. Then he stopped, leaned against the glass that separated the desk of the next. " Drove off a cliff. Straight road with guardrails, just one gap. About fifty feet wide. There were no skid marks or evidence that he had lost control of the car. Maybe killed himself." _Colby took a deep breath and then pressed his lips together as if he would regret opening up. _

_"I ..." David started, but he fell silent when Colby made a dismissive gesture._

"I wonder whether the boy will ever understand what happened there. It took a long time until I realized that my father wouldn't come home. Even today, I sometimes have to suppress the urge to call home to ask him for advice. We probably remain children all our lives. No matter how old we are." Then he turned and left. David remained sitting for quite a while, looking at the smal, colorful fishing lure.

And he wished with all his heart that the little boy would get through this.


	2. Kiss

**25 things**

_Note:_ Setting postal Janus List, Pre Trust Metric. Slash Colby / David. What if you at once stand before the fact, that the man you love is a traitor? And what if your colleagues have no idea that you're in a relationship and you have to deal with the fact that you know things about him you can't tell anybody else?

_Disclaimer_: I´m not making money with this, have no rights to Numb3rs. Similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental and unintentional. Before each chapter, there is an explicit warning on any content, such as self-endangerment, etc.

_Thanks again to Jolinar for beta-reading. You did a great Job! :)_

_Warning:_ Slash (m / m), memory is located Post Soft Target, English isn't my mother tounge so please be gentle. If there is anything to correct like grammatic feel free to tell me.

_Ingredients:_ David Colby, a sofa, a first kiss and a surprise

**Kiss**

It took an eternity before David was able to bring his tears anywhere near under control. He was still sitting in the garage, staring at the car, his head resting on one hand. Wondering what he had missed, and whether he should have realized. Hot thankfulness that no one from the team had known about them flowed through his heart, followed by ice-cold certainty that he had to stand his pain alone. He had to get trough it now, to push aside the pain somehow. He got up, took a few hesitant steps towards the car, pausing close to it and staring at it.

He was aware that he had to leave it there. It was now a piece of evidence. Trembling, he reached out his hand, slipped his fingertips over the frame of the door. He didn't know what he expected himself to feel. "Good Bye, Colby," he whispered, then turned away and left the garage. His heart cried out, as did his mind. But they cried both different things. His mind tried to make it clear that he was alone, that the man whom he loved had betrayed him. His heart was enraged. Angry because everything spoke against Colby and weeping over and over again the same words.

_You should have noticed._

With each step, the memories came back to David and when he arrived on the street, they were so powerful that he was barely able to breathe. He stood in front of the FBI building and looked into the dark night sky, seeing the stars, remembering countless occasions on which he and Colby had stood together, looking into the same sky. And he remembered how he had kissed Colby for the first time.

_They just had a really busy week behind them. One case had followed the next and between them there was hardly time to breathe. The last straw then was the attack on the exercise of Homeland Security, the release of a deadly poison in a subway. _

_"That was tough," Colby muttered as he and David left the FBI building together and walked into the darkness of the night. David nodded silently. He__ was so tired that he nearly fell asleep standing up._

_"Don gave us the day off tomorrow," Colby suddenly broke the silence between them._

_David jumped, startled. Then he nodded. _

_"Any plans?" David leaned against the railing in front of the FBI-Building and looked up at the starry sky, but saw from the corner of his eye that Colby was starring at him._

He wondered what Colby was getting at, but shook his head. "Except maybe sleep through the weekend and do nothing, _No, I think I have nothing planned,__ " he said at last, turned to Colby and smiled. _

_Colby lowered his head, seemed to fight with himself, then he looked up abruptly. "Would.. Would you like to accompany me tomorrow, maybe? I want to visit an old friend of mine and ... " _

_David had already nodded before Colby was at the end of the sentence ._

_And a beaming smile appeared on the face of his colleague. "Well, then I'll pick you up tomorrow morning at eight o 'clock." He grinned at David again, patted him on the shoulder and then turned away._

"Hey, wait, you' in the mood for a beer?" David called after him. 

_He did not know what had made him ask that, but he felt sad to even think about spending the evening, the night alone and he felt a great longing to be a little longer around Colby. _

_Colyb stopped, looked at David and then nodded. "I´m tired, thoug. If it's okay to chrash at your place, how about I just grab a few things and then come over ?" he asked, coming a step closer to David. _

_David nodded. "We could meet at your place .." _

_Colby was already shaking his head. "No man, I have not even unpacked two boxes from the move."  
An hour later the doorbell rang and David had to seriously call himself to order. He was as excited as a little kid at Christmas. It was just a normal end of a hard day. Just a colleague becoming a friend. Just a few beers and said colleague crashing on the sofa. Colby had a sports bag hanging over his shoulder, his short blond hair was still so wet that small beads of water were running down his neck, and David had to muster all his self-control so as not to brush them away. "Hey, I thought you had gone lost," David greeted his guest, opening the door wide and waving Colby to follow him. _

_"I had to unpack only a few moving boxes to find my things." Colby replied quietly, almost hesitantly._

He seemed a bit insecure. In his private clothes, he looked younger than in the suit. Colby put his gym bag in the hallway and then followed David into the living room. While David got them some _beer and put a few other things on the table, Colby looked around the apartment. It was very bright, with many wooden elements, warm colors on the walls and only occasionally pictures on the walls. "Nice place," Colby said, slumping on the large sofa and grinning at David._

_David handed him a bottle of beer. "And where are we going tomorrow?" He sat down across from Colby on a chair and drank a toast to him. _

_Colby pulled his legs onto the sofa to sit down cross-legged and took a sip of his beer. He grinned. _

_"No David, I'll tell you when we are there tomorrow." _

_David bowed his head and laughed. "All right. And what do we do with the rest of the evening?" he persisted._

Colby shrugged, took another sip of beer, choked and coughed. "Nom de Dieu!" He swore under two attacks of coughing.

_David drew his eyebrows together. "You speak French?" He sounded seriously astonished. _

_Since Colby was still coughing, he just nodded. _

_"Are you okay?" David stood up, walked over to Colby and tapped him on his back. _

_Colby raided his hands and nodded. "... Yes. It's alright." He washed down the lump in his throat with a new gulp of beer. David still had his hand lying on his back, feeling the muscles under his palm move and he couldn't help but stroke Colby's shoulder once. That earned him a bemused look from Colby._

"What is it?" Colby asked in a hoarse voice, looking up at David. 

_"__Don't worry, I'm not gonna bite,__" David joked, leaning down to Colby and poked him in the side._

_"Too bad." Colby muttered and David held his breath for a moment. Before Colby could do something about it, David had captured his lips in a kiss. And surprisingly to David, he wasn't pushed way. On the contrary, he moved a hand to Davids neck and deepened the kiss. __He pulled him down onto the couch with him and a few heartbeats later, they were a tangled mess, entwined to the point where they couldn't sy anymore where Colby started and David ended Colby __tasted of the sea, with a touch of mint and the bitter beer he had just drunk and David couldn't imagine anything more beautiful than to kiss this man right in this moment. They parted from each other as they ran out of air and their lips were swollen. David stroked a strand from Colby's forehead. Colby smiled._

_"More?" David asked quietly and Colby nodded, pulling him back to him and kissed him. Soft, sweet and infinitely gentle._

The first time in a long time, David had the feeling to do something right. 


	3. Nightmares

**25 things**

_Note:_ Setting postal Janus List, Pre Trust Metric. Slash Colby / David. What if you at once stand before the fact, that the man you love is a traitor? And what if your colleagues have no idea that you're in a relationship and you have to deal with the fact that you know things about him you can't tell anybody else?

_Disclaimer_: I´m not making money with this, have no rights to Numb3rs. Similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental and unintentional. Before each chapter, there is an explicit warning on any content, such as self-endangerment, etc.

_Big Thanks to Jolinar for Beta! :)_

_Warning:_ Slash (m / m), mention of nightmares, memory is located post soft target. This chapter is a continuation of Chapter 2 - Kiss – .English isn't my native language so please be gentle.

_Ingredients:_ David Colby, one night, sleep, and shrill cries

**Nightmares**

David walked down the hallway slowly, noticing none of the colleagues who went past him. It was late at night, but with a traitor who was sitting in their interrogation room, most of them couldn't even think of taking a few hours of rest. Who knew what damage had been done by Colby. David was freezing, he'd forgotten his jacket in the office. Nothing in him strove to get it now. Soon enough he would have to face Don, Megan and the others. He was sure that at least Megan had the opportunity to find out what was going on inside him. And he was afraid of the day on which she spoke the truth.

The thought that he actually had to tell the team flashed shortly through his mind. After all, Colby spent most of his time with him. He had things in the apartment, books, clothes and a laptop. Little things. Things he had seen as important. All of them were now the subject of an investigation. Nevertheless David couldn't bring himself to talk to Don about it. "Damn." David whispered and kicked, a plastic cup that was in his way.

Why he hadn't noticed? In all the months in which Colby had lived at his side, had slept at his side, slept with him. He had gotten up with him, fell into bed with him at night,curled up around each other. There had been nights where David had been afraid to go to bed. Not because he didn't love to have Colby beside him, but because he'd been afraid of Colby's nightmares. However, he liked the nights when Colby wasn't with him even less. Because he knew that Colby then only got the minimal amount of sleep, if at all. He remembered the night after their first kiss. Had he already known back then what he had agreed to? David wasn't sure whether he would have gone through all it again, knowing what he knew now.

_They lay together on David's large sofa, somehow so close together that David was able to listen to Colby's heartbeat . He breathed deeply and regularly and focused on the TV News. Colby had fallen asleep a while ago. At some point in their trivial conversation about the case, his words had become quieter, more blurred and and finally stopped completely. David had turned around a bit to see why Colby hadn't answered and looked into a relaxed face. He'd sighed, fished the remote control from the coffee table and turned the TV on. While the anchor reported a shootout, during which two teenagers had been killed in the morning, David stroked Colby's face, watching his eyes move behind his closed eyelids. He seemed so relaxed David had never seen him like this before. When the reporter just began to speculate about the weather in the coming days, Colby turned a little to the side so that David could comfortably place one arm under his head, wrapping the other around his waist and pulling him closer. He breathed in deeply - the smell of Colbys shower gel __lingering in the air- , satisfied with himself and the world. The reporter said goodbye and David raised himself awkwardly, shaking Colby's shoulder gently. Colby was almost immediately wide awake, his whole body tensed up in a heartbeat. "Hey. Take it easy. It's just me. David," David whispered in Colby's ear, kissed him on the cheek and watched how Colby calmed down._

_"Damn, scared me. " Colby replied sleepily, broke away from David's embrace and sat up. He rubbed his eyes, yawned and then looked at his watch. _

_"It is already two clock. We should go to sleep when we want to go on that trip at eight ." David informed him. It amused him that Colby although wide awake in a second was almost back half asleep. _

_Colby nodded, got up and looked around for his sports bag._

David also got up and walked over to Colby, towards his bathroom. "If you want you can sleep in the bedroom with me," he said.

_Colby looked puzzled for a moment, then nodded slowly. _

_"And your bag is in the hallway." With these words David disappeared into the bathroom and brushed his teeth._

_Only a few minutes later there was a knock and Colby joined him with his toothbrush. He watched Colby while he brushed his teeth. He was now wearing only a white T-shirt and white boxer shorts._

_Silently Colby rinsed his mouth, then followed David into the bedroom and stood in front of the huge bed. It was made up with light linen and completely disheveled. On each side stood a bedside table with small, white lamps._

"_Left or right?" David asked Colby who laughed. _

_"Left." Colby slumped on the bed, looked at David who was still in front of him, staring. "What?" Colby asked, leaning on his elbows to get a better look at David's face. _

_"What are we doing here?" David asked quietly. _

_Colby shifted his weight and extended his hand to David. "Sleep," he said softly, pulling David to the bed carefully and together they crawled under the covers, curled up with each other. _

"_Sleep well." they said, giggling a little like schoolboys. Then there was silence. Colby's breaths become slower and deeper quickly, until David was absolutely sure he was asleep again. Only then he turned on his side and looked at Colby in the glow of the moonlight that fell through the window. Until now, he almost only had been in relationships with women. In high school, he had once been involved with a boy, but that hat been so long ago. Why did he feel so drawn to Colby? And why seemed Colby to feel the same? And what were they really doing here? David reached out and stroked the Colby's hair. They would just have to see where this led. With that thought David fell asleep._

He awoke from a blow to the side and the indistinct sound of a voice. Nevertheless, he needed a few seconds until he had realized that he was at home and in his bed. Beside him, Colby turned restlessly from side to side. Again and again he muttered words so obscure that David couldn't understand them. But he didn't need to. Colby's voice was pleading, begging and frightened. _Quickly, David switched on the lamp on the bedside table and then turned back to Colby. Colby was covered in sweat, his face distorted, and when David put a hand on his chest he felt his heart race. "Colby." David didn't quite know what to do. He shook Colby's shoulder, called his name before he simply pulled him into his arms and held him as tightly as he could, Colby's face safely tucked into his neck. "Come on, man, wake up." David whispered into Colbys ear, stroking his back. Colby tried to push him away, but David didn't let go. Suddenly, Colby cried out and started to really fight the tight embrace, and this time David let him go. Breathing heavily, Colby moved rapidly backwards, almost falling out of bed. David held onto him just in time. "Hey. Take it easy. Everything's fine. You are safe." David understood none of the words that Colby had said, but he was sure he had dreamed of the war. _

_Colby visibly tried to get a grip on both, his breathing and his panic. His eyes were wide and staring at a point behind David. After an eternity, he felt Colbys muscles relaxed under his hand and Colby ducked his head. "Sorry." he mumbled without looking up. _

_"All right. Come here." David moved Colby back towards himself so that his head came to rest on his chest." Look, breath easy and go back to sleep. I'll make sure you're safe. " David began to talk softly to himself, his hands caressing Colby's arm, his hand and his face. He told him of peaceful events from his childhood of fun things and Colby actually relaxed more and more until, finally his breath came quiet. David caught his breath for a minute. He switched off lights and pulled the covers back a bit awkwardly about them. It took a long time until he again fell into a light doze from which he woke with every movement Colby made._

That was the first night of many. Most nights had been hot, full of movement, laughter and sex. However,this was the first in a series of nights that David would rather have removed from his memory. He dreaded the night lying before him. Again, the first night of nights in a row. Only this would be very lonely.


	4. warm Sand

**25 things**

_Note:_ Setting post Janus List, Pre Trust Metric. Slash Colby / David. What if you at once stand before the fact, that the man you love is a traitor? And what if your colleagues have no idea that you're in a relationship and you have to deal with the fact that you know things about him you can't tell anybody else?

_Disclaimer_: I´m not making money with this, have no rights to Numb3rs. Similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental and unintentional. Before each chapter, there is an explicit warning on any content, such as self-endangerment, etc.

_Warning:_ .Slash (m / m), memory is a post Soft Target is located, the continuation of the Past in Chapter 3 - nightmares - . English isn't my Mother Tongue so please be gentle.

_Ingredients:_ David Colby, the hot sand, sun and a hobby that David would not have expected.

**Warm sand**

David wandered seemingly aimless through the streets. He knew that his path led him home. He could do nothing about it. It always drove him back home. He paused here and there, struggling with himself and finally waved down a taxi. The memories wouldn't let him go, no matter whether he was on foot or a car. The taxi driver gave him his attention only briefly to listen to the address and then quickly threaded into the traffic. David stared out the window, watching the houses flying by, people on the street having fun and suddenly felt the need to yell at them all.

Why did life just go on like this? How could nobody care that his own life had just fallen to pieces? Why didn't the world hold its breath for a second? He leaned his head against the cool glass and closed his eyes. He wanted to return to that morning after their first night together. Back to lying on the warm sand and the feeling of sun on his skin. Back to that day when he'd become aware that Colby had not infiltrated his life but also his head and his heart..

_David woke up slowly. He was warm and beside him, he felt someone move. A head came to rest on his chest and his hand automatically brushed through soft hair. It only took those few moments to help him remember what had happened the evening before. He suddenly felt cold, opened his eyes and looked directly at the back of Colby's head. David couldn't stop himself from putting his hand on Colby's shulders, tracing the lines of his muscles. Colby responded to the touch, sat up and looked at David thoughtfully. "Good Morning," he finally whispered, cleared his throat again and then made preparations to leave the bed. David quickly caught Colby's shoulders and pulled him closer. Colby didn't resist the embrace, even burying his nose in David's neck, his breath tickling him. "I didn't want to wake you," Colby whispered into David skin. David had his arms around him and shook his head. "You're even more insecure about what happened that I am, aren't you?" he asked softly. _

_Colby broke away from his embrace, moving a bit away from David. He looked at his hands, seemed to search for words and finally shrugged._

_"Did ... you ever had a .. boyfriend? " David asked, keeping his gaze locked on Colby firmly. _

_Colby rose, but remained standing beside the bed." Yes. But I also had girlfriends …, " he replied, stretched, and then laughed. "We'll take it slow," His voice was soft and gentle and then he left the bedroom. _

_David shook his head. Colby was a mystery.. He had no idea what was going on in the head of the young man. With a sigh he rose too and went into the kitchen, only to see that Colby had already put on coffee. He heard the sound of the shower. Colby's bag was on the kitchen table. Curiously, David threw a look inside. A pair of jeans, underwear and a t-shirt .. and David couldn't believe his eyes. He pulled a few spores from the bag. _

_"What's the matter?" _

_David turned to Colby, who was dressed in jeans and shirt and leaned in the doorway. He had wet hair and smiled. "Um." dropped the Spores again and took a step back from the bag. "I hope this has nothing to do with your preferences." The sentence slipped out before he could stop it and Colby laughed. It sounded full and warm. Relaxed and full of life. He laughed so much that tears ran down his cheeks. Something in him told David, that he had rarely heard such a beautiful thing. At the same moment he wondered what he was thinking. _

_"Come on. Get dressed, if we want to be reasonably on time, we have to go soon." Colby still sounded amused._

Half an hour later they were sitting in Colby's car and were on the way out of town. "Are you telling me now where we are going?" David asked, sipping his coffee and looking out the window. 

_Colby laughed again. He seemed to be really relaxed. "We're visiting an old friend of mine, Benjamin. We call him Benji. He has a ranch a few miles outside of LA. If I have time, I make sure to spend a few hours there. " He said, threaded into the traffic on the highway and hit the accelerator. The sun was shining, the air smelled fresher the farther away they are from LA they got. _

_" And that's where you use the spores, I guess?" David asked, relaxed and stretched a hand out the window to feel the wind. _

_"You'll see," were the last words they exchanged. _

_They spent the rest of the ride in silence, enjoying that their phones didn't call them back to work._

When they finally turned onto a narrow road which was lined with white fences David rose from a nap. He glanced at his clock. It was shortly after twelve, so he had slept for at least two hours. "Hey, you could have kept me awake or at least woken me up, man." He stretched , looking at the smiling Colby. 

_"You had less sleep than me last night. And I thought, you've earned it." Colby looked slightly guilty for a moment, then he tried a grin._

_David was just about to say something, when Colby parked the car in front of a white house._

_"We're here." Colby got out quickly, apparently trying to avoid the topic of last night. _

_David raised his eyebrows and snorted. "You won't get out of this that easily," he muttered, then he climbed out. He looked around. They stood in the courtyard in front of a large white building, which was flanked by two barns that were built in the typical country style. The area was surrounded by white fences, and when David came closer to one of the fences he saw horses grazing there._

_"Hey. You're earlier than I thought." _

_David looked back over his shoulder at the strange voice. A young man, maybe in his mid-twenties, came up to him and Colby. He wore breeches, boots and a green shirt. On his boots, spores ratteld with every step. He had dark curly hair and a youthful smile. _

_"Hey Benji," Colby greeted the young man and shook his hand, then he pointed in David's direction. "This is David Sinclair. He wanted to see what I'm doing here."_

_Benji also shook David's hand, was firm and strong. "Fine. Then come with me. " He turned and walked across the yard toward the barn. _

_"Who is that?" David walked beside Colby, still amazed. _

_"This is Benjamin Baxter. He breeds horses. .. And here ,I spend my hours if I'm not just fishing .. or am otherwise occupied." Colby smiled. He seemed to be really happy to be here. Together, they entered the barn and David stood rooted to the spot. They stood on a street stall, boxes were on the left and right in which there were horses that were looking over the pit doors and neighed a soft hallo. _

_Benji smiled at Colby "She was limping last week, a little, but the smith said it was okay. I've worked her yesterday for an hour, she seemed better. But take it easy and slow. I had the vet on the farm this morning and having him here once a day is totally enough." What ever Benji was talking about, David was not sure whether he wanted to find out. They stopped in front of a box in which a pretty big horse stood. It had a wide blaze and as it turned its head, David saw that it had a black eye. _

_"Hey, my beauty," whispered Colby and stretched his hand out to the animal. The horse sniffed at his palm, rolled quietly and Colby grinned. _

_It was as if a whole chandelier in David's head came up. "You are riding?" he asked, aghast, stood back and laughed in disbelief. _

_Colby nodded and then grinned. Benji beside them chuckled. "You should change your habit, just to tell your friends what you do, Co." He laughed softly and patted Colby on the shoulder. "Well. I gotta go. Funny must be prepared for transport.. well the usual stuff. Your clothes are in the tack room and ... " He threw a glance at David. "Don't leave him alone. " Then he went down the barn alley and disappeared. _

_David looked after him, then back to Colby and to the horse. "You are serious about this?" he asked. He could not keep the disbelief out of his voice. _

_But Colby nodded. "May I introduce, this is Black 'n' White. She is eight years old and in the past three years, she belonged to me. Benji cares for her, she's out of his breeding. Excellent pedigree, insane gaits and the best horse I've ever met." _

_David watched silently as Colby got the animal out of the box, cleaned it and then disappeared. David stood a few steps away from the horse. He didn't know what he should do. Every time Black 'n' White shrugged her tail, or turned her head, he went back another step, until he finally felt warm breath on his neck and when he turned around, he looked into a different horse's face. Startled, he jumped back and cursed._

When Colby returned an eternity later, he was wearing riding breeches, leather boots and a dark sweater. He looked so damn different than in the office or during their evenings together. Relaxed, quiet, resting in himself. He laughed at David's tense face and handed him a few things, David didn't know. Then he saddled Black 'n' White with much care. The whole time, they were silent. David didn't know why Colby was silent, he himself was lost for words. Only when Colby drew the girth, he broke the silence. 

_"I have thought about bringing you out here for a while. I was unsure of how far I can let you into my life. Well .. what you say?" He beckoned David closer, who reluctantly followed the invitation. Colby took the things from him, broke the halter of the mare and David took a step back._

_" Um." He was awkward, but then fell silent as Colby sighed and bridled the horse. While Colby worked, he watched his colleague and ... friend, suddenly seeing something more clearly._

Colby had not only let him in his head, no, he had also invited him to his heart, was willing to share everything. Even the things that the other would never know about. Andsuddenly, David felt warm. He felt like he was standing in the middle of the intense heat of the summer sun and then he could no longer restrain the smile that crept on his face. "Thank you," he said quietly, stepped closer to the animal and Colby and slowly stretched his hand out towards the horse. Black 'n' White was patiently while he stroked her Colby just smiled gently, then closed the shutters of the bridle.

David sighed. They had spent the whole day on the farm. Colby had been riding Black 'n' White for an hour and David had been sitting on the white fence and watched him. He had enjoyed the peace and tranquility of the court and even Benji's presence, when he'd joined later on, didn't bother him. Together, they had watched Colby and Benji had told him some things about his friend that had made David laugh. As Black 'n' White had finally been exhausted and Colby was back into his jeans again, they had made themselves comfortable in the shade of a tree. They hadn't talked much, hadn't kissed, but just enjoyed the silence. Benji had then invited them for dinner and it was the first day of many on the Baxter farm. Since that day, David linked the smell of sun-warm sand with Colby.


	5. Run

**25 things**

_Note:_ Setting post Janus List, Pre Trust Metric. Slash Colby / David. What if you at once stand before the fact, that the man you love is a traitor? And what if your colleagues have no idea that you're in a relationship and you have to deal with the fact that you know things about him you can't tell anybody else?

_Disclaimer_: I´m not making money with this, have no rights to Numb3rs. Similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental and unintentional. Before each chapter, there is an explicit warning on any content, such as self-endangerment, etc.

_Warning:_ Slash (m / m), English isn't my native language so please be gentle.

_Ingredients:_ David Colby, a couple of running shoes, a few miles and a starry night.

**Run**

David got out of the cab, gave the driver a number of bills, he was sure it was far too much. But that didn't count at the moment. He looked up at the house where he lived and hesitated, not so sure if he really wanted to get in. What would that feel like? He stood an eternity before the entrance of the building, staring at a point where nothing was really visible. But he couldn't move. Everything inside him screamed and it hurt. The pain was everywhere.

A deep inner turmoil had engulfed him. All at once the conversations he had with Colby made sense, he suddenly understood only too well this feeling of having to run away from all. David turned the key in his palm, weighing it and wondering why it didn't feel any different than usual. The phone vibrated in his pocket, but he ignored it. Not now. Now, he wanted to go home. A sad smile spread across his face, then he pulled himself together and walked into the building. Phil, the doorman nodded and then looked back down at his newspaper.

_David wondered if this case would ever end. They'd been sitting here for almost 24 hours, watching a suspect from a small window. Not one personal word had fallen in that time. Colby had turned back to his usual reticence, deep in his work. They had taken turns sleeping, while David was convinced that Colby hadn't slept. He was more tired than ever before in his life as Don and Megan had finally replaced them. Together with Colby, he made the way back to the FBI building to get Colby's Car. Still in silence until David wasn't able to be silent anymore, couldn't stand the only sound being the car's engine rumbling along.. "Is everything okay with you?" He asked softly, gently. He didn't want to bother Colby, wanted to take things slowly, as they had agreed on, but something told him that Colby had a problem. _

_Colby turned his head to him. On his face the lights of shops flying past evoked strange shadows. "Yes. All good, David. .. I just need a little movement," Colby replied, looking out the window. _

_"Movement?" echoed David in surprise, looking at Colby with astonishment and a bit of shock. He was bone tired and Colby looked dead on his feet. Movement was the last thing on his mind right now. Colby nodded wordlessly, staring out the passenger window. _

_"Movement." David repeated again, snorted and shook his head. "I need a beer, some food and a bed," he stated quietly, turning the car into the garage of the FBI. _

_Colby laughed softly. "Wonderful." He sounded really not impressed. _

_David fought the urge to answer until he'd parked the car and switched off the engine. "Want to come with me? Then you can also sleep a little bit and eat something. We have to be in the office in five hours." _

_Colby shook his head. " Sounds like a plan for you. But I have to get a few things. And while you eat, I'll get out a little ." _

_David opened his mouth to say something, but Colby wasn't done yet, apparently. His expression changed, softened and David guessed that he would learn something new about his friend now._

_"Listen, David, there are days where I just can't stand still. Every minute I'm sitting somewhere seems to me to be wasted and lived in vain. There is a pressing feeling in my stomach that drives me forward." Colby did not look at David as he spoke, but down his hands which were clasped around his house key. _

_"Colby?" David held out his hand and touched the other mans shoulder. "What are you planning on doing?" _

_Colby laughed softly." I only need my running shoes, an hour and then a good shower," he whispered. _

_David nodded. Well, if it helped Colby, then they would just go running. "Good. I'm driving us home. And I'll accompany you." He made a dismissive gesture as Colby wanted to argue about that. "Look, if we really want to make this work, we should do stuff together a bit, don't you think?" he asked gently. He knew that he was wearing his heart on his sleeve here. He was a little afraid of Colby's response. _

_Colby nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, yes that sounds like a plan." _

_David's heart stopped briefly and then beat on in double time. "Well, then lets go." he murmured, starting the car again. "Just for me to understand. Why do we came here, when we go to your place together anyway?" Colby asked, laughing on David rolling his eyes._

_Half an hour later they were sitting in front of the building where David lived on a bench and David watched as Colby tied his shoes. "You go jogging a lot ?" _

_Colby nodded. "__As often as possible_. _Mostly_ e_very day an hour_. _Sometimes more." _

_David looked incredulous and shook his head. "And when do you sleep?" Actually he didn't want to know. Colby stood up, began with a few stretching exercises and __remained silent. "What about you?" he asked. "Three or four times a week." _

_David joined in the exercises. He didn't like the silence. But perhaps it asking too much to want to be that much a part of Colby's life already. On the other hand, Colby wouldn't have taken him to the Baxter's ranch when he hadn't wanted David to get close._

_"Colby, talk to me," David asked him, then snorted as Colby shook his head. _

_Quite suddenly, Colby went up close to David, looking straight into his eyes. "Give me some time, okay? It's been long since there was someone in my life ... and I'm just getting used to the idea that there is someone now." Colby spoke quietly, leaned forward a bit more and caught David's lips in a sweet kiss. David was too stunned to respond, let alone return the kiss before Colby pulled back. Colby put a couple of headphones into his ears. "If I'm too fast, just tip my shoulder," he said, before David could hear the gentle drumming that came from his headphones. The music had to be so loud that it just drowned out anything else in Colby's head. And then Colby jogged off, loose and relaxed. David looked after him before he shook his head and followed him. Together they ran down the street, turned off towards the park. David looked up at the stars and wondered how much time he would spent in future nights in the open with only Colby's silent company. Colby touched his arm, demanding his attention, and David smiled. It didn't matter how many nights, he was sure it was worth every minute.._

David left the elevator on the floor where his apartment was located and stopped in front of the apartment door. They had not talked much that night, just run. More than two hours. Colby lost in his music and the beating of his own heart. And David lost watching him. He'd wondered what Colby ran away from. With the house keys in hand, David wondered if Colby had already been running from the fact that he was lying to them. He would never know. Just as the others from the team. David had been rarely so conscious about it, that the Colby he knew was so different to the Colby his colleagues were familiar with. There were so many things he would never be able to share with them. And if he was honest, he didn't want to. Sighing, he slid the key into the lock and opened the door. "How right you were, Colby. Movement wouldn't be bad right now, " he muttered as he stepped into the darkness of the hallway and Colby's scent greeted him.


	6. Food

**25 Things**

_Note:_ Setting post Janus List, Pre Trust Metric. Slash Colby / David. What if you at once stand before the fact, that the man you love is a traitor? And what if your colleagues have no idea that you're in a relationship and you have to deal with the fact that you know things about him you can't tell anybody else?

_Disclaimer_: I´m not making money with this, have no rights to Numb3rs. Similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental and unintentional. Before each chapter, there is an explicit warning on any content, such as self-endangerment, etc.

_Warning:_ Slash (m / m), English isn't my native language so please be gentle.

_Ingredients:_ David Colby,David Colby, a food and the knowledge why Colby doesn't like tomatoes.

**Food**

David remained in the hallway, head down. The door slammed shut behind him and it was completely dark. He couldn't stop the tears running down his cheeks again. But he wasn't ashamed of them, not at this moment. He didn't know how long he'd been standing there, in the dark, but eventually, he pulled himself together and groped for the light switch. The narrow hallway was decorated in warm colors. The dark, wooden wardrobe beside the small, almost a century old mirror was hung full of jackets and waistcoats, Colby's breeches hung there, in addition to his spores.

David moved closer, reached out his hand, hesitated, then touched the soft leather of the pants. He had no idea how he could face Don and the others, when the question came, why Colbys Apartment contained very little. Fact was that Colby had spent hardly more than a handful of nights there in the last two years. And most of his belongings were here – at David's place. He puffed out his cheeks, held his breath for a moment and then exhaled slowly. Slowly, he turned around his own axis. On the wall in the hallway hung several pictures, which he'd made himself or Colby had made at one of their trips. One was of the tree under which they had been sitting on Benji's ranch, another showed Black 'n' Withe in the glow of the setting sun.

They had been careful to ensure that no photos of them both were hanging in the entrance area. Even though none of their colleagues ever came by. When they met privately, then either at Charlie's house or at one of the numerous clubs, bars or restaurants in the city. David reluctantly walked down the hall. Three doors were leading from it to other rooms. The first behind the wardrobe led to the kitchen and there, David was paused, leaning against the door frame. He closed his eyes. Colby had loved to cook,to try out new recipes and eat. Well, mostly anyway.

_"You're kidding right? David?" Colby sounded seriously horrified. They had a day off and David suggested that they should be going somewhere swanky. Perhaps to the Italian restaurant where they had been in the past week with Megan, Charlie and Don. Colby was contrite afterwards, and finally confessed that he liked the country but almost liked nothing less than to eat spaghetti and certainly not with tomatoes. David had just laughed for half an hour and even a few days later, it had made him chuckle whenever he thought about that. _

_But he didn't understand Colby's dismay now. What was so wrong to end their day with a nice meal in a restaurant? _

_"Come on, David." Colby stood up from the sofa, stretched out a hand and smiled at David. _

_"What is so wrong about going out to eat?" David knew that he sounded peeved, but he couldn't help it. _

_Colby shook his head, slumped on the coffee table and looked at David for a long time, then he cleared his throat. "I wouldn't like to be in any restaurant tonight, having to pay attention to who sees us and what we do," he said softly and stretched out his hand again towards David, stroking over his knuckles with his thumb. "I want dine here tonight here, I can cook. Then we can make ourselves comfortable, watch a movie ... " He stopped when David raised an eyebrow. _

_"Okay." David pulled the o longer than necessary and then laughed, got up and mange to pull Colby close to himself. He wrapped an arm around him and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Then we should go shopping, master chef ," he teased and fled when Colby playfully swatted at him._

_"Wait for it, with that attitude, you'll get t a shoe sole instead of a steaks," Colby threatened, then followed slowly._

_Later they dragged the grocery bags in David's apartment, which David thought of - only to himself and only in his mind - as being their apartment. They had spent nearly two hours in the large supermarket. They'd taken the chance to stock up on everything. David had noticed how few things Colby needed. And he had finally learned which shampoo and shower gel Colby usually used. Coconut with honey. That was the smell which David hadn't been able to identify until now. In addition to steaks, salads, pasta, broccoli, carrots and zucchini pineapple, bananas and strawberries had landed in the cart. David was really excited about what Colby wanted to make of it. _

_"Can I help you?" David asked as they had unpacked and Colby had exchanged his sweatshirt for a simple T-shirt. _

_But Colby shook his head, tilting his head and nodded. "You could set the table and then ... "He wiggled his eyebrows and David snorted. He liked this Colby, who was so relaxed and easy-going. _

_"I'll simply let the master work then and make sure that you won't burn down may kitchen." He then proceeded to set the table for them, after a short deliberation ,he lit on a candle and sat down to relax and watch Colby. Colby had already begun to wash the vegetables and cut it and water was already simmering in a pot in front of him. "Do you enjoy cooking a lot?" _

_Colby turned to him and nodded. "Yes. I have ... learned to cook early, it was fun and .. Well, during my Armytime my comrades were always grateful when I cooked. The food there was sometimes really creepy. " He laughed, apparently losti n memories. " But otherwise, I have little time to do so. And for myself, I find it boring. Or do you cook when you come home and are alone?" _

_David nodded._

_Colby paused, surprised at that. "Really?" _

_David nodded again. "I cook anything elaborate, but most of the time, I do it. Now and then I'll make just salad." He wondered what Colby had expected. _

_"Are you saying that you always get take-away food? Man, you have to be rich then." The second he said that, he saw Colby tense, only a fraction of a moment, but it had been there. In recent weeks, David had learned that this meant that he broached a subject that he had better let rest. He hesitated, thought about it and when Colby remained silent he decided not to ask. They had all the time in the world and he wouldn't push. _

_So he steered the conversation into safer territory. "Why don't you like tomatoes?"_

_Colby laughed. "My mother had to work a lot and we had quite a large family, always had a lot of visits from the neighborhood children. And how do you get the most satisfied? " He let slip the broccoli into the pot, followed by the carrots, then he turned to the pan and stirred the onions. _

_David shrugged. " French fries ?" _

_Colby nodded. "French fries with ketchup or tomato sauce, spaghetti with Bolognese or simply sauce of tomato. Believe me, after two years you don't want to see tomatoes anymore." He laughed, but sounded a little sad. _

"_I can imagine that." David agreed. He got up and stepped close to Colby, looking over his shoulder into the pots. One of his hands was on Colby's back and, right this moment, he felt really good. They were on the right track. _

_"But don't nibble." Colby warned him, as David lifted the lid and grinned. _

David didn't feel the slightest desire to cook. Even though his stomach protesting that loud and clear. He was sure that everything that he would now try to eat would come out immediately. Sighing, he looked around the kitchen. They had bought some new things, partly because they really liked cooking a lot and because David just had not had them. For example, a kettle. Who would have guessed that Colby liked hot chocolate with hot water? David gently closed the door to the kitchen and turned to the next door. In the living room, even more memories were waiting for him, these cutting deeper than he wanted them to.


	7. Scars

**25 things**

_Note:_ Setting postal Janus List, Pre Trust Metric. Slash Colby / David. What if you at once stand before the fact, that the man you love is a traitor? And what if your colleagues have no idea that you're in a relationship and you have to deal with the fact that you know things about him you can't tell anybody else?

_Disclaimer_: I´m not making money with this, have no rights to Numb3rs. Similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental and unintentional. Before each chapter, there is an explicit warning on any content, such as self-endangerment, etc. _Big Thanks to Jolinar for Beta! :)_

_Warning:_ Slash (m / m), mention of abuse, the first memory is settled in "The Assassination", it consists on an original dialogue from the show and David's thoughts and it plays chronologically **before** the first chapter, the second Memory is settled before "convergence" and is following on Chapter 6

_Ingredients:_ Colby, David, scars, and the fact that sometimes you must take a step back to move forward.

**Scars**

He leaned against the wall, closed his eyes and let himself slide down slowly. He was tired. So tired he could hardly keep his eyes open. He shook himself, wiped the tears from his cheeks and leaned his head back, stared at the ceiling. Colby's face appeared in front of his eyes, sitting in the interrogation room and staring on the table, absently lifted a hand and rubbed his left shoulder. Exhausted David rubbed his eyes, wondering whether Colby's scar had hurt and then he called himself a fool. There were scars that would never cease to ache because you touched them too much.

_David sat with his back to Colby, who had just read a couple of lists, and pondered a good start for a conversation. He'd heard rumors about Colby's time in Afghanistan. Rumors that were not nice even if they might contain just a shred of truth. It was said that Colby had almost died there. And some other storys. __Sometimes, when David did something unpredictable, he could see how Colby tensed and struggled with himself. __Sometimes, Colby struggled with the instinct to run, sometimes with the need to shout at David. __But he just never said something. Finally, David was sure that he would not find a good place to start, so he just dove in. "It's said that you had quite a rough time down there in Afghanistan." _

_Colby snorted, a fine note of rejection swung in his voice as he answered. "Oh, it wasn't so bad. __My college degree saved me from a combat mission." _

_David grinned. "So that's why you're with the FBI now, huh? Because you wanted a little action." __David knew that he should have said it differently but he couldn't change that now. Damn. _

_Colby sighed resignedly. " Where else should I go with three years experience in interrogation techniques? " _

_David tried to ask more questions about that , but an idea for one of their cases distracted them._

_Much later, David returned to their conversation. He'd been thinking about it over and over again They were on their way home through the corridors of the FBI to the parking lot, where Colby had parked his car this morning. "Tell me. What was it like in Afghanistan? " David askedHe knew he'd breached the topic quite suddenly – they'd actually just discussing the question of who the myterous assassin had been and how far the government of Colombia had been involved – but surprising Colby might get him some answers._

_Colby drew his eyebrows together. "What makes you think of that now?" He didn't sound enthusiastic. _

_David shrugged. "It sounded as if you didn't tell me everything," he tried to justify himself for his couriosity._

_Colby shook his head. "No. The usual. A few skirmishes in which I was not supposed to be and a few hearings, I would rather not have done." he stopped, looking at David with tired eyes. "Listen, man. Just let it be okay?" he asked softly, then he turned and headed for his car without looking back David paused and sighed. He'd pushed him. Had he not learned from previous conversations? It was useless to push on Colby._

David braced himself against the wall again and took off his jacket,hanging it over one of Colby's jackest and began to unbutton his shirt. He pulled it off, dropping it carelessly where he stood and and then pulled off his undershirt . It joined the shirt. In front of the mirror, he looked at his upper body, remembering the color contrast Colby's white hands had formed on his skin - and an other contrast as well. A red, irritated-looking scar that ran around Colby's shoulder. On a good day there was nothing more to see than a thin white line.

_"You coming?" David asked quietly, his gun stashed in the vault of his locker._

_Colby rised from his locker and nodded. "Yes. This time, I've even thought ahead and my overnight bag's already in the car. Can I take shower at your place?" He peered into the showers, which were connected to the locker room. _

_"Sure." David found it was funny that Colby asked such a thing. Well, they hadn't really gone futher than very intense kisses yet but Colby had spent almost every day with David. _

"_Great. How about Chinese ?" Colby put on his jacket and looked expectantly at David. _

_"As long as you don't want to cook for yourself today." David replied, also closing his locker. _

_They left the building, talking briefly to Don and Megan on their way out. While David was driving, Colby phoned a Chinese man he liked and ordered a variety of things that David couldn't even pronounce. He wondered what it would be. "But you haven't ordered dog or cat?" he asked as Colby closed his phone. _

_Colby laughed "No, just snake and frog," he replied, amused. _

_"Ooookay." David hadn't really expect that Colby gave him an answer. For someone who professionally didn't stand for surprises, Colby loved it in private. "I just let myself be surprised." David tapped his thumb on the wheel into the beat of the song from the radio and they were silent the rest of the trip._

_Ten minutes later, David was in the kitchen, making coffee while Colby took a shower. Lost in thought David was leaning against the kitchen counter, waiting for the coffee to bee ready, listening to the growling of his stomach. _

_"Hey." Colby's voice roused him from his thoughts. He stood in the doorway, only a towel tied around his waist. Drops of water glistened on his skin. _

_"Nice." was the first thing that shot through David's head, and he pronounced it. Colby looked down at himself and smiled. Embarrassed, he rubbed his left arm and drew Davids attention to the scar which went along there. It led from the armpit over the shoulder and David asked himself how far it went. It was angry red, like it had been irritated or was still quite fresh. "What's that?" David asked, walking up to Colby and standing close to him. He stretched out his hand and waited if Colby would draw back and then brushed his fingertips over the scar. It was thin but slightly raised._ _ Something very sharp and smooth must have caused it.__ "Where does it come from?" David couldn't tear himself away from the sight. _

"_Afghanistan." _

_Then David's gaze was directed towards on another scar which was located just below Colby's collarbone. It looked like it was coming from a gunshot wound. _

_Colby remained silent, he had lowered his head. David's fingers probed gently over Colby's skin. He found five other scars, some very old, others new. He walked around Colby and froze. _

_On Colby's back were three or four very faint scars. They ran approximately parallel. _

_"Colby?" asked David, alarmed, but Colby still remaind silent. David gently unfast the towel, that covered part of Colby's buttocks and thighs. Again, there were subtle stripe- shaped scars over the back. "Who was this?" David asked. He turned Colby to face him._

_Colby wrapped the towel around his waist again. "David, does that matters?" he asked quietly without looking up, but also made no attempt to move. He seemed to feel ashamed. _

_"Colby." David put his hand on his cheek and carefully forced him to look up. Colby's green eyes were dull and tired. David nodded. "It is important. Who has done this to you?" David wouldn't give in now. _

_Colby turned his face, he gritted his teeth, his jaw muscles working and he seemed to struggle with himself. Then he sighed. "My father," he said softly._

_David gasped. "I thought .. you said ..." _

_But Colby shook his head. "My biological father. My mum divocred him when ... when I was eight. The man whom I have named father, the man I told you of, was my stepfather." _

_David didn't know what to say. It explained a lot. "_

_David, can we just let it go, please?" Colby asked, drawing away from David. "I just wanted to ask if you have a shirt for me. Forgot mine." _

_And David allowed the retreat, at least for now. PerhapsColby would one day tell him the whole story. He went into the bedroom, pulled a dark shirt from his closet and brought it to the bathroom. He remained close to Colby, leaning his head on Colby's shoulder. "You know, I would listen to you, don't you?" he asked quietly. _

_Colby nodded. "I know," he said, as if to confirm this again. David turned his head and kissed the scar on Colby's shoulder. A knock on the door ended the scene and David left Colby alone._

David walked into the bathroom and took off his remaining clothes before he stepped into the shower and turned the water on freezing. He gasped for air as the water flowed over his body and made him tremble. There were things he would rather never know. At least not now. What investigations would probably all come up now, tied to Colby's life? David leaned against the wall and enjoyed the cold water. It washed away some of the pain and replaced it with something new and different. He was just glad it wasn't his team which would lead the investigation.


	8. Brothers and sisters

**25 things**

_Note:_ Setting postal Janus List, Pre Trust Metric. Slash Colby / David. What if you at once stand before the fact, that the man you love is a traitor? And what if your colleagues do not know about your relationship and you have to cope with the fact that you know things about him that you can´t share with anyone and don´t want to on your own?

_Disclaimer_: I´m not making money with this, have no rights to Numb3rs. Similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental and unintentional. Before each chapter, there is an explicit warning on any content, such as self-endangerment, etc.

_Warning: _Mention of suicide, memory plays while "In Plain Sight " .English isn't my Mother Tongue so please be gentle.

_Ingredients:_ David Colby, images, and the question of how much a family should mean, and it ultimately does.

**Brothers and sisters **

David climbed trembling from the shower, he was freezing, grabbed one of the towels lying ready and began vigorously to dry off. His eyes fell on the shelf above the sink, where were two toothbrushes in a cup. Colby had a penchant for unusual flavors in toothpaste, and therefore they also had two different varieties. Colby's current taste of raspberries and lemon, while David preferred the classic version. Without looking, David picked up a shirt that was hanging on one of the rakes at the door and pulled it over. It was Colby's sleep shirt. Those memories never really stopped ? David buried his nose in the shirt and tried to calm and breathe.

_The open-plan office lay in semi-darkness, only occasionally burned a desk lamp but David could see no one, who was still working. The day had been hard and stressful, even if he had found a good conclusion with the arrest of the pedophile. The team had gone home exhausted after they had delivered the man in custody. David had just forgotten his wallet. And since he would be alone tonight, he might at least get something to eat. Colby had told him that he had something to do and was gone. David felt that this case had gone closer to him than he wanted to admit. As always, the blonde had not started a conversation on his own. _

_In the interrogation room, David could see light coming through between the drawn blades. He furrowed his eyebrows, slowly walked along the desks and remained standing in front of the interrogation room. The fins were not completely drawn, here and there you could catch a glimpse of the interior. Colby sat at the table in front of a laptop and typed. He was highly concentrated and in his face, David found a train that he had never seen at Colby. Something strange. Almost as if he was melancholy. David wondered what Colby was working so late. Their reports, they had moved to tomorrow, so they found all a little bit rest. He was just about to knock at the glass as a cell phone on the table in front of Colby began to ring. It was not Colby's private cell phone but one that David had never seen before. _

_"Granger?" Colby reported, he had his head in his free hand, listening to what the caller said, then answered. Surprising to David in French. He spoke quickly, with no apparent difficulty finding words. David could not shake the feeling off that he observed something very private. Suddenly Colby got onto his feet, the phone still on the ear and started to walk up an down on the opposite side and then shook his head. He seemed to be angry, raised his voice, the words came quickly and almost head over heels before he abruptly dropped the phone and stared at it for a moment. David took a step back. Colby looked puzzled but very angry. Suddenly raised the phone and threw it with all his might against the glass wall. The phone shattered into a thousand little pieces and Colby stood motionless, his face hidden in his hands. David wondered what had just happened. _

_He had never seen Colby like that. Well, he was hasty now and then, also like playing poker sometimes too high, but so David did not recognize Colby this furious. He thought of the first talks with Colby after their first common case, the fact that Colby had evaded him in many things. One of these things was the question about his family. He struggled with himself, should he show Colby, he was there or prefer to go back? He hesitated, his eyes on the blonde and just as he had decided to leave, directly at him. For a fraction of a moment, David saw horror in Colby's face, then anger and then resignation, but the moment had passed so quickly that David was not sure he had actually seen it. Colby smiled and beckoned him to come in._

_"Hey, everything ok with you?" David asked, hesitantly, as entered the room. His gaze was not at Colby but at the destroyed cell phone. "If I ever awaken in you the desire to do something like that, then warn me before " In David's voice was a certain grade irritation. Colby sighed and began to collect the items. "I'm sorry. This is ... "He sighed, wiped a hand through his hair, rubbed his eyes. "Complicated?" David offered. Colby nodded. He got up, threw the pieces of the mobile phones in the trash. "Yes. Complexity is a good word. " sighed, and went back to the table folded to the laptop. "What are you doing here?" David asked, pointing at the laptop. "I thought you had another appointment." Colby lowered his head, his fingers ran along the edge of the laptop. "I've moved the appointment, just wanted to write my report." He looked as tired as sounded. "How does that sound? We get some food and then go to sleep," David asked softly. Colby shook his head. "I'm not hungry." the blonde replied, hung his head. "Colby, what's going on?" David took a few steps to him. Colby apparently thought a moment before he turned to David again. "How long have you been standing there?" He asked. At least David had the decency to look embarrassed. "Um." Colby gave a short laugh. It sounded bitter. "That was my sister on the phone. She ... had bad news. "Colby said, hesitantly, as if he would consider and what an how much he could say. David nodded and gave him a call. When Colby started to speak already on his own, he would not interrupt him. _

_"You have brothers or sisters?" David asked, as Colby had not spoken in a few moments. Colby nodded, grabbed his jacket and the laptop. "You order something to eat and I'll go over to me and get a few things right? We then meet at home. " he asked, waited for David nodding at and then disappeared towards the exit. David pressed his lips together, looked after the blonde. Then shook his head. Maybe they would find more opportunity to talk later while eating._

_An hour later they were sitting together the sofa, each a slice of pizza in hand, Colbys without tomatoes and Davids with tuna. Colby had brought a large box with him wordlessly placed next to the sofa to the floor. "What's in there," asked David, as biting from the pizza, and pointed to the box. Colby put his pizza aside, wiped his hands on his trousers, which gave him a disapproving look from David and pulled the box closer. He opened it and took out a flat object. He wordlessly handed it on to David. It was an old framed photograph showing two girls, two boys and a woman and a man standing outside a house and smiled at the camera. It was not particularly good quality. The house was too blurred to recognize. The man had put his arm around the woman. The girls and one boy were standing close to the mother, only one boy standing on the other side of the father. The man had laid a hand on the boy's shoulder. At first glance, it looked as if he were just proud of the child. But the boy did not smile. He looked serious and a bit closed at the camera. _

_Colby leaned against David's shoulder, pointed the finger at the woman. "This is my Mum. She ... Half a year ago has died. " His fingers wandered further, pointing to the first girl who was maybe 15 years old. "This is my oldest sister, she must have been fourteen or fifteen. Her name was Selina, she died two months before her 16th birthday. " He was silent for a moment. "Oh. I'm sorry. "Muttered David, he still saw on the picture. Selina had been a pretty girl, as far as he could see that. "How did she die?" David had learned not to talk about the bush, when he had once decided to ask. "She has hanged himself. No one knows why. She was good at school, had friends, was well liked. And one morning she was hanging in the tree in our garden. My sister Lisa has found her." Colby sounded distant, as if would not speak of his sister, but about someone he did not know. David lowered the picture and stroked Colby over the shoulder._

_"That's ... horrible." he whispered. But Colby shook his head. "I can hardly remember her. I was only eight when she died. It has destroyed my mother. After that she was no longer the same. " Colby told. "This is Sam. He is a year older than me. At 15, he ran away from home when they wanted to bring him back he said that wanted to hang himself rather than come back at. They put him in an orphanage. Today he lives in New York, is a lawyer as far as I know. " He stroked a finger over the picture at the location where his brother was. "I've never heard of him." David did not know what to say. "Lisa and I went when I was seventeen. Lisa went to France with her boyfriend and I got my college degree and went to the Army. " His eyes were soft and full of memories of the picture. David also stared at the picture. The young Colby had been pretty, but even then he stuck to this already locked aura. It was the first picture that David got to see of Colby, on which he was younger. David laboriously tore himself away from the image of little Colby._

_"Are you still in contact with them," asked David, caught a glimpse of the photo and to Colby. "No. Only now and then to Lisa. "Said Colby, leaned back and pulled his legs onto the sofa. "She called to tell me that their daughter is dead. The little girl was just five years old, it was a car accident. " David put the picture down abruptly, wrapped his arms around Colby and pulled him into a hug. Colby clung to him, enjoyed David stroking his back. "Why didn't you say anything?" David said quietly. "My sister's husband is an alcoholic, she broke up with him when Chantal was two years old. She was sitting in his car and he was drunk when it happened. "Whispered Colby, could hardly hide the tears in his voice when he tried to speak. "Sht." And David, buried his face against his shoulder, and they remained seated until Colby finally cried. David silently wondered how bad Life could be with an individual. _

David took another deep breath and then got up. He kept the shirt tightened. Perhaps it would ease his loneliness a little tonight. In the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, took out a bottle of water. His glance fell on a card that was attached with a magnet on the refrigerator door. "William Bradford." David read, including a number was printed and Colby had written something next to it. "Be sure to call." David had no idea why Colby had to speak with the psychiatrist and felt no desire to find out.

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	9. Regret

_**25 things**___

_Note:___Setting post Janus List, Pre Trust Metric. Slash Colby / David. What if you at once stand before the fact, that the man you love is a traitor? And what if your colleagues have no idea that you're in a relationship and you have to deal with the fact that you know things about him you can't tell anybody else?

_Disclaimer_: I´m not making money with this, have no rights to Numb3rs. Similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental and unintentional. Before each chapter, there is an explicit warning on any content, such as self-endangerment, etc.

_Warning:_ Slash (m / m), Memory takes place post "The OG ", Don says that David is at home and Colby is with him, missing scene English isn't my Mother Tongue so please be gentle.

_Ingredients:_ David Colby, the question of whether we regret what we do and what we do to come up with the things that we see .

**Regret **

He left the business card where it was, leaning with his back against the fridge and drinking from the bottle until he felt he would suffocate. A deep sense of regret ever having let Colby get to him grew in him and he couldn't help but shake his head about himself.

He pulled himself together, left the kitchen and went into the living room. He left the lights off. He didn't want to face the images and memories yet. Wearily, he fell onto the sofa, curled up in a corner and pressed his face into the pillow. Regret was something he had never connected with Colby. At least not with the fact that they were friends and a couple.

However, regret always had been a theme in their relationship.

Sort of.

_With an angry jerk, he opened the fastings of the bulletproof vest, pulled it off his body and almost threw it across the room. _

_"Damn. Damn it." he growled, hit with his hand hard against the locker and then leaned heavily against it. _

_He'd failed. At least his heart told him that. Failed to stop a father from killing himself. Failed because he hadn't managed it to give the man a little hope. _

_"You couldn't have change it." _

_A voice close to David whispered and he raised his head. Colby leaned beside him, arms folded across his chest and with a worried look in his green eyes. David shook his head. _

_"If I would have said anything different. Found better words or.." _

_Colby abruptly interrupted him, as he leaned forward and pulled David into his arms. _

_"There is nothing that you could have done what you didn't already do," he whispered softly into David's ear. David focused on the heartbeat of his friend, tried to push everything else aside. He didn't know how long they stood in that position when Colby gently pushed him away and held his shoulders look at him searchingly. _

_"We should go home. Don said that he doesn't want to see us again until tomorrow. " _

"_But..."_

_"But nothing .. no stops. We go straight home David, right now. " _

_Colby's voice sounded determined and David gave up. He didn't have it in him to fight Colby at this moment. His body felt tired, as if he'd run a marathon. Silently, David watched as Colby took off his vest as well, gathered up David's and stowed them together in his locker,. David focused on the movements of Colby's hands to think about something other than this day. Colby took his gun from its holster, unloaded and checked it briefly and then loaded the gun again to take it with him._

_"Have you ever regretted having touched a gun?" David asked before he even knew what he was saying. _

_Colby froze, threw a glance at David and then he nodded. "Sure. There were .. some days where I've regretted ever having carried a weapon ... and many other things," he replied softly, shaking his head. Maybe to get rid of a painful memory. He shrugged, pulled on his jacket and turned away._

_"Come on, buddy. We should get out of here. " _

_"What are you doing to get over it?" _

_Colby was halfway to the door when the timid question stopped him, his hand was already on the doorknob. He turned a little towards David and sorted._

_"Nothing. Because I know that doesn't work. There will always be things that I regret. And that's good. It keeps us human and compassionate. Something that we need to be and should be. If we lose our humanity, we should lay down our gun." He spoke softly, gently and carefully. _

_David hung his head, running a hand over it. _

_Come on. Let's grab some food and have a quiet night on the couch." Colby suggested, opened the door and motioned for David to follow him._

They left the building together. At the car Colby reached out his hand. "Let me drive," he said quietly and David knew better than to argue with him. In the car, Colby turned off the radio bevor the song had a chance to be heard.

"You know, David, regretting something doesn't mean that you have done something wrong. The important thing is how we do what we do. That we give ourselves a chance to process it." 

_A short bitter laugh escaped David._

"So that's why you having nightmares?" He asked bitterly.

Colby took a sharp breath. David immediately regretted what he'd said. 

_"Sorry ..," he said softly, running both hands over his face._

But Colby shook his head.

"You're right." He drove the car from the parking lot and into traffic. They drove for a while in silence, until Colby stopped at a Chinese restaurant. He looked at David, shaking his head again. 

_"Maybe you should get involved a little in this community center, perhaps it'll helps." he suggested. Then he asked;_

"Duck or chicken?" 

_David laughed._

David remembered that they had spent the evening with food, cuddling and having sex. And he remembered how he'd lain awake at night and had listened to Colby's quiet breaths. No matter how much he regretted things he wouldn't be able to change them. Now he had to find a way to come clear. He closed his eyes tightly, took a deep breath and then let go. Let loose and accepted the new tears.


	10. Shaving

**25 things**

_Note:_Setting post Janus List, Pre Trust Metric. Slash Colby / David. What if you at once stand before the fact, that the man you love is a traitor? And what if your colleagues have no idea that you're in a relationship and you have to deal with the fact that you know things about him you can't tell anybody else?

_Disclaimer:_I´m not making money with this, have no rights to Numb3rs. Similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental and unintentional. Before each chapter, there is an explicit warning on any content, such as self-endangerment, etc. _Big Thanks to Jolinar for Beta! :)_

_Warning:_Slash (m / m), memory is located post "The OG" .English isn't my native language so please be gentle.

_Ingredients:_ David Colby, a razor, lots of shaving fog and a talk about habits

**shaving**

It was still so early that not even the sun ventured through the open window. The sky was covered with dark rain clouds and David was grateful for that. He lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling and breathed deeply.

When he closed his eyes he could imagine hearing the sound of the shower and the radio from the kitchen. Colby was an early riser. Someone who was wide awake and got up immediately. Always on the move and so full of energy that David sometimes found it difficult to keep up with him. But Colby had never been bothered, that he was awake earlier than his boyfriend. On the contrary. He'd admitte donce that he enjoyed the early morning hours alone over a book or while jogging.

A bitter smile appeared on David's face as he remembered all the mornings they'd stood together in front of the mirror in the bathroom to shave.

_David had found it fascinating. Colby had tended to shave in the shower rather than in front of the mirror until a few weeks after they'd strated living together. Then, Colby had started shaving next to him._

_While David had already set the shaver and moved it now over his cheek down to the chin, Colby didn't seem to be quite so sure. Finally, he also sat on the blade and a moment later, he cursed out loud. David looked at him in the mirror and saw the thin red trail of blood goozing from the cut that snaked down through the foam to his chin. _

_"Well, you're not very talented with a razor blade," David joked, earning himself an angry look from green eyes. _

_"Haha." Colby pressed his towel to the cut and then fell silent. _

_David lowered his razor and turned his head to look directly at Colby._

_"You usually shave in the shower without looking and can't shave in front of a mirror?" David stifled a laugh as Colby rolled his eyes. The blonde turned on the faucet and washed the shaving cream from his face. _

_He mumbled something that David didn't understand, but it sounded suspiciously like a curse. Then he straightened up and leaned backward against the sink. He watched David, who was carefully finishing his shave. They were silent for a while, until Colby apparently had had enough and sighed._

_"I'm just not clear with this mirror-inverted. I've never been good at that. That is why I prefer to shave blind," he mumbled and David laughed again. _

_"No kidding?" He asked, amused, and laughed again when Colby blushed and looked away. _

_"Okay. Wait I have an idea," David said, moved the razor one last time over his own cheek before he washed the rest of the foam from his face and dried it. Then he took Colby's shoulder and directed him to the toilet lid._

_"Close your eyes and relax," David said softly, took the shaving cream and sprayed a good amount into his palm. Colby looked at him suspiciously, but closed his eyes as requested. _

_David's eyes grew softer, more loving, as he distributed the foam on Colby's cheeks. _

_"You're beautiful," David whispered, kissing him on the tip of the nose and enjoyed the smile that appeared on Colby's face. Then he sat down the razor and shaved Colby with great care and tenderness. For nearly ten minutes, he was busy with that before he held a towel in warm water and washed away the remains of the foam. _

_He leaned forward and kissed Colby on the corner of his mouth. Then he slipped a hand to Colby's neck, pulled him gently closer and deepened the kiss. Colby moaned softly and opened his mouth, sinking into the gentle game of their tongues. As they parted from each other, they both had small white foam remains in their faces and broke into collective laughter, before the ringing of their phones ended the playful mood before it could really settle._

Since that morning, it was routine for David to shave himself first and then Colby. A ritual that they used when they had time. Sometimes, Colby helped to shave David's head and they had spent a few hours to remove the foam back from the bathroom walls later. He could still hear their liberated laugh when they'd chased each other around the house with the spray.

Even a stupid little morning ritual like that had been turned into something to look forward to because of Colby.


End file.
